I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
