I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
