so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
