Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
