escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
