oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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