We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
