You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
