He asked to "fluff my boner.."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
