Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize