Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i would one night stand the shit outta him
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
