Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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