i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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