this boner is exhausting
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Such a big mess for such a small penis
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
