then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
