I puked a lego.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
