I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
