pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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