Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
