is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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