Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
