1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize