i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
