dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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