thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
