i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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