yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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