just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Four minutes until I can fart!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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