So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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