You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
