i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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