Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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