May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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