dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
