Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
