At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
