i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
