therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
