went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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