I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
