Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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