I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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