I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
