Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize