my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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