no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She's the barista slut.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
