If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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