Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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