this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
