In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
