You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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