i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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