I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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