My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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