I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
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