So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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