he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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