Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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