In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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