Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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