I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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