from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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