I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize