I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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