Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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