12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
