the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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