I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
